What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
