I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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