this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
