Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
