we're making bets on your personal life
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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