nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
