I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Fuck appropriateness.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
