I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
