goodnight i made you a song goodbye
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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