normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
