I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
