Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
