Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
