I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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