i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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