it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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