sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Randomize
