Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
