She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
