i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
