Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Fuck appropriateness.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
