accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
