I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
