Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
