I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
