I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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