the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
