just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
