I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
