I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
