They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
