I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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