i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
