great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
