i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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