And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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