how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's the barista slut.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
