why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
