Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
