You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
