Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
