She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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