If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
