We're facebook friends in real life
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
