We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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