no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
