So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
