Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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