i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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