oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
